Many times we have good intentions--to gain friends; to bring people to church; to give advice to someone in despair or someone who is lonely; to help settle a matter; to stop an argument, but have we asked ourselves if we have the right influence over these people? Even if we have good intentions to help them? If you will look at the world right now and every sector of it whether the government, the community, the school, the workplace, and the family you will realize that people will only listen to you or accept your help in that matter if you have influence over them. What then is the foundation of having influence over someone?
All lasting and influential relationships, if I may say, are those with the foundation of trust and respect for each other. With this in mind, I do not fail to acknowledge that sometimes those trust and respect can be based on fear towards the person which is in-genuine friendship. But that is not what I am talking about. We all want something real--genuine. Genuine relationships are one of the greatest treasures and gifts we could ever have and receive from another person. You have to earn that trust and respect to be able to have the influence with your good intention to help another.
So then, instead of hurrying yourself to help or influence another, in whatever good intention you want or need to, you must ask yourself, "How can I have influence over this person?" and "What are the steps to take to be successful in influencing to achieve my good intention to help?"
Though the steps are not limited to the things I could tell you here are some of the things I have learned about the differences in people and the mistakes I've made in the past no matter how good the intentions are behind it:
1. Begin with doing small and thoughtful things but make sure you do it from the heart not just for the sake of doing things:
a. Extend help if you should any time you could.
b. Establish connections through conversations and activities you have similarities in interest and passion.
2. Watch your words and actions making sure you do not scare the person of to be your friend.
a. In my opinion, sometimes sarcasm works but if you can avoid it please by all means do. Not everybody can relate to your sarcasm.
b. Know the person you are relating to by setting aside what you are used to do. Make sure you are really connecting. Your do not want to intimidate.
c. Think before you say or do something. Know were you are coming from and make sure to know also where the other person is coming from. If you don't know where the person is coming from yet, don't say or do things that might be offensive.
d. Avoid talking too much about yourself by doing self-pity or self-praise rather think of conversations that center on things that both of you will be able to relate.
3. Have an understanding heart and mind ready to face the words and actions of the other person. In the same way you must be careful not to turn out as agreeing with the person but as understanding.You do not want to compromise your beliefs.
4. Don't pretend to be perfect. Be yourself--show the person who you really are without scaring him or her.
Influence matters in helping you enact your good intentions. Remember that people everywhere had influence before they were able to successfully achieve their good intentions in helping people.
Most of all, "be a friend to gain a friend" and at the same time make sure you are influential--that is for the better!
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